A Historian’s (Hateful) Love Affair
My thesis year starts in August.
I must decide this summer what to focus on. My heart keeps pulling back to a queer* thesis.I feel my heart does this not only because I am queer* and I feel that voice is needed but more because I love queer* history and research.
I also find queer* history and research to be emotionally draining. I find my arms ache to embrace so many people. I find tears that never fall flowing out for strangers who’s voices I will never hear. I find my voice evaporate when I try to explain why so many are forgotten. I find myself desperate to find so many who are hidden in print shelved for decades.
I want to know my backbone can handle the weight a queer* thesis would mean.
Because if I am going to do this, I am going to do all of it. I am going to rock it!
(-And I am determined to do it without becoming angry or drinking my way through it.)
